The night without end

broken_ice_woman_by_killersmemo-d5qlzgqShe stood there at the very edge of sanity, shaking and shivering with anger. The horizon was dark as she looked out into the night, far away a tiny snail of a train slithered with its little yellow lights. She stood there in the warm sultry night, her cotton shirt sticking to her back.

The conversation ran in her head again. She could hear his voice as clearly as if he stood right there in the room behind her. “I am sorry, K. Whatever we had, it’s over. It’s over between us. I have found someone else and I would like to be with her. I just wanted to let you know, so I came over. Bye.”

That was it. That is how her three and a half year old affair had ended. As bluntly as that. No, she had not cried then, not asked why. She knew whom he was talking about, he had mentioned her a few times, but she had never ever suspected that he was into her.

As she stood there, staring into the night, her throat and head hurt from the tears she had not cried. But they would not come. Only memories, only visions of her having spent the last three and half years of her life around this man who had walked out of her life as he would have walked out of a supermarket. It hurt. It hurt bad. She couldn’t help wonder what it was she did wrong – she had been loyal, loving, caring. She had always been there for him, physically, emotionally and even financially. And yet it had all come to naught.

‘What a fool I have been’, she muttered to herself. ‘Here I was, building these stupid castles in the air, when all along he had been cheating on me.’ She turned away from the night into her dimly lit room and walked to the mirror. A torn tired face stared back at her. ‘He cheated on you. He lied to you. And you… you were such a fool! You fell for his every lie, you sad thing.’

Slowly tears began to spill over her lashes and made their way down her cheeks. ‘You really believed he would love you… I had told you he wouldn’t, hadn’t I?’ The face in the mirror smirked. ‘You are a stupid little thing, aren’t you, falling for these silly promises…’ K. turned away from the mirror, she could not stand the taunting anymore. But the voice from the mirror continued to speak, ‘I had told you, there is no such thing as love. It does not exist, not in your world. But no, you would not believe me. You trusted that …  that jerk. Well, then, you got what you deserved.’

‘Oh, shut up!’ K. shouted back at the mirror. ‘Just shut up!’ The voice in the mirror felt like a hammer inside her head, her heart felt as heavy as stone, just there in the very middle of her. She dragged herself to the balcony, looked out to the night and sat down on the floor. It was cold. She pulled her knees close, she so needed to hug someone right now. She had forgotten what it was like to be alone, so alone in the night, with nothing but tears and a throbbing heart and stinging eyes for company. She sat huddled against the wall. It was going to be a long night. A night that looked like it would never end.

Silent sobs shook her body, more hot tears ran down her wet cheeks… she kept asking the night, ‘Why did you do this to me? Why did you cheat me? Why?’

The morning comes >>>

~ Bharti Athray

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3 thoughts on “The night without end

  1. Geet

    Your story ends with a question. Does it get an answer? It deserves one. I have a story like that completely unanswered.But unfortunately our life doesn’t answer many questions. That’s why it’s important in life to conclude things properly, only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse.

    1. Bharti Athray Post author

      Geet, thanks for asking. Yes, that question does get an answer, in fact several. Planning to write it out in coming posts. I agree with you completely, writing gives us the space to conclude those situations completely which we may not always do justice to in life. Thanks for that insight.

  2. Pingback: The morning comes | Bhartithewriter

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